pregnancy with a toddler in tow
siblings might not get nurseries of their own that are prepped eagerly for their arrival… or bump books which are filled out page by page with photographic evidence of their growth in the womb - but I sure gave it a good shot!
pregnancy with a toddler may be one of the most challenging things I've experienced to date, but dang it’s all worth it in the end.
When we were expecting our second - Marlow Autumn was just a couple of months shy of becoming a whopping two years of toddler. Every age has been a beautiful age, but this past nine months brought a fiercely independent little girl, who was just learning to play on her own. A chatterbox with such a sweet, kind heart, who still craved cuddles, climbing on top of her mummy and wasn’t yet sleeping through the night! Nobody really warned me how different pregnancy could be with a toddler in tow so it came as somewhat of a shock!
All pregnancies bring their own challenges and I feel lucky that throughout my nine months carrying her I was able to cherish the experience. I had few responsibilities in hospital as I was still a student, able to attend when my nausea permitted, take cat naps in the afternoon and felt celebrated by anybody who spotted ‘the bump’.
This pregnancy brought weight loss, vomiting, constant nausea, incredible fatigue and little opportunity for the ‘rest and relax’ advice we are often encouraged to follow when growing a human! Not to mention picking up vomiting bugs and headcolds every other week courtesy of a child in nursery combined with an immunocompromised state!
For the first five months (alongside the anxiety of googling: ‘can a toddler kicking your tummy when pregnant hurt your unborn baby?’) - I was vomiting the moment I awoke, during the day, and even waking at 4am to place my head in a bowl. In order to partially function on some level of normality, I trialled a concoction of cyclizine, prochlorperazine, promethazine and ondansetron medications (none of which helped much). It took a toll on our relationship as Ryan was having to pick up the slack: working, cooking, cleaning, parenting and supporting me. In total honesty, I felt low. I felt like I was failing as a mother, partner and colleague in work. Notably I would prefer to forget one busy post take ward round in which I was racing to keep up with the consultant, whilst darting off to the bathroom in between patients to wretch or vomit.
BUT there was light at the end of the tunnel and at around five months my nausea finally subsided and I began to feel human again. I piled on weight, felt uplifted and the pressure on our family life relieved… and then anaemia and third trimester exhaustion kicked in. With a few big and unexpected events late in pregnancy such as moving house and taking on potty training at 37 weeks pregnant - I was totally wiped out. Still I look back on this pregnancy fondly (maybe that's the oxytocin as I approach labour?) but carrying a human bean within your body, this close to your heart I still find incredible. I surprised myself by what I’ve been capable of these past nine months, and I have such gratitude for all the support I've received. I'm blessed. I know in my heart, I couldn't have done this without Ryan’s support and ultimately this journey we have taken together cements us stronger in our partnership.
Pregnancy is such a wonderful, beautiful thing - but pregnancy with a toddler is h a r d. I feel you mama. Just know that you are not alone and when you reach the finish line, that sense of absolute accomplishment is incredibly oxytocin-producing, and like me, I am sure you will cherish those final weeks before your life changes unimaginably (in a good way) yet again.
